Assessment

Can you successfully bounce forward from betrayal? Take our assessment to determine your ability to successfully B.O.U.N.C.E.

Hurt happens. All of us will experience betrayal at some, if not many, points in our lives. Authors Susan Stautberg and Elaine Eisenman’s book, Betrayed: A Survivor’s Guide to Lying, Cheating, & Double Dealing, helps you understand how best to weather the storm of betrayal and become strong enough to survive and thrive in the aftermath. Their framework for creating a positive guide to the future is best summarized as the acronym B.O.U.N.C.E., helping you become:

Bold in asserting what is important and necessary for your survival.
Optimistic about the future and not letting others cloud your vision with their concern.
Undaunted in finding your safe space.
Nimble in recognizing opportunities for your future.
Courageous in defending your value and holding onto your identity.
Empowered to become the person you want to be.

Are you prepared to bounce forward from betrayal? Find out by taking our quiz.

Step 1 of 13

1. Please choose your gender:*
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2. Please choose your age bracket:*
- 20-30
- 31-45
- 46-55
- 55+

4. You are a relatively new President of the division of a global company. There is a trading arm in Asia that you are responsible for, and you have heard rumors that the head of the group is making risky trades. The Global CEO and Chairman tells you to ignore the rumors. You ignore your gut and do so, and then the dreaded call comes in- the discovery of Unauthorized trades totaling billions of dollars coupled with hidden losses in a special account. Since this is on your watch, the Board is asking for your resignation. What do you do?*
- a. Contact the Global CEO and Chairman who put me in this mess by telling me to ignore the rumors and give him a piece of my mind. It’s his fault this occurred and he’s also the reason that I have become the scapegoat. He shouldn’t get away with this, and I have the right to lay it all on the table. After venting to the board about his incompetence, I’ll get in touch with the media so I can control the narrative!
- b. Refuse to leave on anyone’s terms but my own. I have a significant paper trail as I kept notes of every meeting where I raised concerns and I also have emails to the trader asking for his reports on the trades and his accounts. Then I can wipe my hands clean and move on. I have a strong support system, and I can lean on them through tough times like these. I’d take note of the red flags in this situation, and will remind myself to trust my gut. I’ll look into consulting and volunteering more, so I can share my skills and experience in other ways.
- c. Isolate. I’ve gone through a lot and I don’t feel like confiding in anyone or looking for any other opportunities right now. I deserve this time to myself, and no one would understand my situation anyway. I should’ve taken a stronger stance with the CEO and the Head Trader and done a better job in relationship building with the board, so it's probably my fault. Maybe if I had done that, none of this mess would have happened.

For this scenario, Susan and Elaine recommend action "B"

Refuse to leave on anyone’s terms but my own. I have a significant paper trail as I kept notes of every meeting where I raised concerns and I also have emails to the trader asking for his reports on the trades and his accounts. Then I can wipe my hands clean and move on. I have a strong support system, and I can lean on them through tough times like these. I’d take note of the red flags in this situation, and will remind myself to trust my gut. I’ll look into consulting and volunteering more, so I can share my skills and experience in other ways.

5. You are in the middle of finalizing your second divorce. Your first spouse pilfered hundreds of thousands of dollars in gold coins from your safe, and your most recent spouse emptied your house of all furniture and valuables while you were on a business trip, and, for good measure, was sleeping with your best friend. How do you bounce back?*
- a. Next time, I clearly need to listen to my gut. I’ve been blinded by love in the past, and I’ve refused to see any red flags. I finally realize that being in love doesn't mean being blind to the world around me. The old adage, if it's too good to be true it’s probably too good to be true is right. I need to sit down with my closest and most trusted friends and ask them when they never really liked my second spouse and learn from their insights. They warned me before I got married, I guess it’s time to reality check and learn from my past experiences.
- b. There is nothing similar about these two marriages. Some people are lucky in love, but sadly I am not one of those people. It’s just my bad luck to choose the wrong person to love. There are bad people out there, and sometimes it completely blindsides you. That’s just a part of life. The silver lining is that my lawyer is also recently divorced and seems like a great fit for me. It couldn’t hurt for us to begin dating when this mess is over, after all, we all deserve a second chance. I’m going to hope for the best next time around and continue to follow my heart.
- c. Even though I hate being alone, I may need to take a step back and take a deep breath before jumping into the dating game again. I really need to try to understand what got me into this position twice. I do admit that it is weird, and maybe it's not bad luck but, if I am true to myself, they are partly my own doing for not seeing the red flags. I can’t say for sure, though. I need to think this through. I might even ask my friends for their insights into both failed relationships. I realize that all relationships come with their own set of problems, but I also realize that true love doesn't need to be blind.

For this scenario, Susan and Elaine recommend action "A"

Next time, I clearly need to listen to my gut. I’ve been blinded by love in the past, and I’ve refused to see any red flags. I finally realize that being in love doesn't mean being blind to the world around me. The old adage, if it's too good to be true it’s probably too good to be true is right. I need to sit down with my closest and most trusted friends and ask them when they never really liked my second spouse and learn from their insights. They warned me before I got married, I guess it’s time to reality check and learn from my past experiences.

6. Your boss finally gave you the promotion you’ve been working so hard for. Shortly after, he comes grab you in the stockroom when no one else is around. You push him off, and he threatens to ruin your career. To top it off, your fiancé blames his actions on your “flirtatious behavior.” What do you do?*
- a. I wonder if my fiancé is right. I’m not sure. Maybe I was flirting with my boss. But even if I was, I still don’t think that was appropriate behavior for a boss. There’s no excuse for him to get physical with me. My fiancé’s comments about my flirtatiousness are harmless; I’m sure he was trying to help me build my own inner strength about situations like this. He’s right-it’s always important to begin by looking at your own actions before blaming others. And anyway, I want to keep this job, so I shouldn’t lead on my boss, especially since he sees my strengths and is acting as my mentor. He is the one who promoted me after all, and I should be grateful for that.
- b. My fiancé might be right, but that’s irrelevant. Having my boss physically grab me is a violation of my trust as well as all company policies. I am willing to look at my own behavior but I am not willing to see myself as the person responsible for my boss’ behavior. Since I want this job, I am willing to wait and see what happens. In the meantime, I am scheduling a meeting with my boss to tell him that I don't want what happened to ever happen again, and I will threaten him with keeping a file on his behavior to take to human resources if he ever touches me again. I will also warn my colleagues to be aware and never stay alone with my boss.
- c. I immediately report my boss’ behavior to human resources. If actions are not taken to put my boss on notice and/or move to a new department with a different manager then I will need to leave the company immediately. This type of environment is toxic for my career. As for my fiancé? We are over. In a time where I needed the reassurance and support of my partner the most, this one person who I trusted most in the world, not only failed to support me but betrayed my trust by siding with my boss.

For this scenario, Susan and Elaine recommend action "B"

My fiancé might be right, but that’s irrelevant. Having my boss physically grab me is a violation of my trust as well as all company policies. I am willing to look at my own behavior but I am not willing to see myself as the person responsible for my boss’ behavior. Since I want this job, I am willing to wait and see what happens. In the meantime, I am scheduling a meeting with my boss to tell him that I don't want what happened to ever happen again, and I will threaten him with keeping a file on his behavior to take to human resources if he ever touches me again. I will also warn my colleagues to be aware and never stay alone with my boss.

7. You begin to notice a few suspicious charges on your credit card, and it seems that money has been disappearing from your wallet. You are sure that the credit card charges aren’t yours, but of course, you don't really pay close attention to your cash situation. Reluctantly, you approach your roommate and best friend of 2 years and ask her if she is responsible. She denies it immediately and reassures you it must be someone else in your dorm. She even mentions that she has had the same problem, and says it was good you brought it up because she was afraid that you were the thief. What do you do?*
- a. Feel embarrassed and regret ever approaching her in the first place. Why would I stoop so low as to assume my best friend has been stealing my money? I was very touched and humbled by the fact that she was worried it was me who was taking her money, but she did not ask me about it. I’ll never ask her something like this again. I am so relieved that it’s definitely somebody else. I’m so glad we are in this together and will solve the problem as a team-just like always.
- b. I can’t believe she would lie to me, but something still doesn’t feel right in my gut. I haven’t known her for that long, and she’s the only person who knows where I keep my money. I’m going to keep an eye out and pay close attention to the cash in my wallet. Maybe I’ll even set some traps, like putting cash in my underwear drawer and keeping close tabs on the amount. Of course, at the same time, I will team up with her, as she suggested to look for another possible perpetrator. It will be fascinating to see where this all leads.
- c. Despite her protestations and the fact that she said that someone was also stealing from her, I don’t feel any better about the situation. My gut tells me that something else is happening. Her response was too quick, and really?!, she was just about to ask me if I was stealing from her? Low credibility statement. If she’s been stealing money from me, I don’t think she’ll be honest with me anyway. I’m going to start paying close attention to where my money goes. Maybe I’ll even report my credit card is compromised and get a new one that without her knowing. At any rate, if anything else suspicious occurs, I will definitely talk to the Resident Assistant and ask for help.

For this scenario, Susan and Elaine recommend action "C"

Despite her protestations and the fact that she said that someone was also stealing from her, I don’t feel any better about the situation. My gut tells me that something else is happening. Her response was too quick, and really?!, she was just about to ask me if I was stealing from her? Low credibility statement. If she’s been stealing money from me, I don’t think she’ll be honest with me anyway. I’m going to start paying close attention to where my money goes. Maybe I’ll even report my credit card is compromised and get a new one that without her knowing. At any rate, if anything else suspicious occurs, I will definitely talk to the Resident Assistant and ask for help.

8. How can Elaine and Susan help you?*
- Tips and resources on how to bounce back from betrayal.
- Stories of people who have endured and moved past similar experiences so I know I am not alone.
- A book to serve as a guide and resource for overcoming betrayal.
- Speak with my organization or book club about their insights and perspectives on how to move forward from betrayal.

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